The hardest words

“Let’s stop now, we did everything we could”… Those were the hardest words I heard today. 

It was 9 a.m. I was finishing my notes after a long nightshirt and I heard one of the nurses’ assistants calling my name. “Come fast!” she said and I had this feeling something was really wrong. It wasn't someone who fell, it wasn't someone in pain… something worst.

As soon as I got to the bedroom my heart got small and tight. “Bring the defibrillator and call my colleagues” I heard myself saying, but actually I don’t believe I was really thinking. I was focused on what I was seeing. I called the name and tried to stimulate the person like we learn, but there was no answer or other type of reaction from. The skin was colder than I wished. An adrenaline rush started to grow on my veins, on my spine, on every single cell of my body.

The doctors came in as well. The bedroom suddenly seemed too small. People kicked the bin for several times before one of the nurses’ assistant took it to somewhere further. Everyone in that bedroom was synchronized, in a chain of actions that weren't premeditated. People simply did the things they needed to do, every single one something different, doing something that was necessary. So many people in there, but all of them were needed, nobody even thought about going away.

More than twenty minutes. For more than twenty minutes everyone did the best they could. We switched tasks from time to time but always coordinated. No one of us wanted to give up. We gave our heart and all strength of mind and knowledge to be there, body and soul. No reaction at all, but we didn't want to give up. The body stood still; not even a single reaction, slight movement or a heartbeat.

After that time one of the doctors says “let’s stop now, we did everything we could”. We all knew it was true but it still took us a few seconds to stop doing what we were doing. 

“Let’s stop now, we did everything we could”. Those are the hardest words someone in the health field can hear. Those were the last words I heard at the end of my shift. Those were the hardest words I heard today.

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